Saturday, May 2, 2009

My own brand of crazy...

The other day my husband and I were having a "discussion" about my writing. Normally I don't post anything about our "discussions". (If you're reading those air quotes correctly, you'll know I mean "argument".)

He says I'm a bear to live with when I'm on deadline. I say that they only time I can convince him to watch the kids so I can write is when I'm on deadline. When the deadline is farther away (wait... further?) there's no NEED to write. Just the want. And we don't ask our husbands to watch the kids so we can go off and do something we want. Right? Right?

Maybe it's just me.

This was a tough argument because he felt that writing has an "emotional withdrawal" from our family bank account with less "emotional deposits".

And this is because the emotional deposit goes only into MY emotional bank, he says. I tried the "when mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy" bit. And there's some truth to that, I am happier when I'm more fulfilled. But how much does the family need to give for my happiness?

But wait, how much are they actually giving?

Yes, I'm a bear when I'm on deadline and I'm insistent upon getting time to write whether it's downstairs in our basement, out at a coffee shop.... wherever. Is me not being there THAT much of a drain?

He says "the woman's traditional role is to nurture".

After I took off my corset and burned my bra, I asked him what the traditional man's role is... and why *I* was doing that too. You know, out earning money in the workforce.

No answer.

I love winning "discussions".

What are your thoughts?

(Cross posted at The Writing Mother)


Linda Sherwood said...

I don't think anyone wins discussions that take place between a husband and wife.

I know I do get distracted by my computer, and I am also more apt to snap at the kids or hubby when I'm working than when I'm not. (I just yelled at four kids including two that aren't mine for rough-housing.)

I also know that when I work nonstop, I don't produce good work.

To help, I've tried to set aside blocks of time. I think knowing when the end will be helps my family. It is Saturday now, and I am working, which is unusual for me. But I don't plan on working past a certain time, and when that time comes, my computer gets shut off, and I'll be available to members of my family. Until then, they are going to have to just deal with the lack of my emotional deposits.

Serenity Now! said...

Very true, I am a bit more verbally-inclined than my husband is, so it's not really fair.

I have been doing things the same way for a while. I write over lunch hours, in small chunks... sometimes taking a day off to write... depends on how many interviews I have to do for something.

But I don't ask hubby to take over the childcare until the deadline... hence his belief that I'm procrastinating... he doesn't realize how much I've already done.