Mama Needs to Lighten Up

DD’s first grade teacher uses a reward system with a color chart: Every day, each student starts with green. If they do something against the rules, like chatting, they get a color change.

DD is an excellent conversationalist.

Every morning, I remind her to stay on green, and she bounces onto the bus, filled with the expectation of success.

Many afternoons, she steps off the bus disappointed.

Thursday night I realized I need to de-emphasize the whole color thing. At bedtime that night, she prayed she would stay on green the next day. We usually sing a song after praying, so I asked her what song we could sing that would help her. She only thought for a second.

“Expect Miracles?”

I laughed, and told her that it wouldn’t take a miracle, just a little practice.

This morning I reminded her what a great daughter she is. I didn't mention any colors.

UPDATE: Hurray! She stayed on green today. She came home so self-assured and happy. That's the image of herself that I want her to retain. :)

Days 25 and 24 of Ramadan

Day 25

Today, my parents went to cook dinner at the masjid or a Muslim community center. This is fairly common during the month of Ramadan, in the U.S. My dh and ds went to Chicago to enjoy a day there and then eat at an Arabic restaurant.

We shopped at Arab stores. It was cool to see others that I don't know were fasting like Dh and myself. (I come from a very small town in the U.S.). We asked the store owners if they opened after dinner because we wanted to finish our shopping. Many said yes during Ramadan.

This is my first time eating at an Arabic restaurant fasting. It was an interesting experience. We walked in about 15 minutes before it was time to break our fast, seating ourselves. Some Muslim families were already seated, others followed behind us. Customers were waiting patiently. At the appropriate timing, everyone broke their fast with dates or water. Breaking a fast with dates or water is a tradition that Prophet Muhammad used to do. There are many health benefits by breaking a fast this way.

I was surprised to see many people breaking their fasts in restaurants because growing up, I never broke my fast in a restaurant. It was at home, other homes, or at the masjid.

Day 24

I took ds to the park, we met some friends there. Once my ds and I (dh was working) arrived at my parents' home, we listened to Qur'an recitation by Abdul Basit As Samad, a famous Egyptian reciter.

The Secret to my Success

I'll admit it. I may be writing this so that someone reading can point to the screen and say "see! see! Heather says I need one!"

My laptop.

I wrote my book on my laptop while sitting at the kitchen table, in my bed late at night, at the local bookstore, drinking coffee, sitting in the truck waiting for my son after school, upstairs in the waiting area during gymnastics...

I have cooked dinner with my laptop on the counter (safe distance from the stove) and sat on my bathroom counter watching my daughter over its screen.

And it has other purposes. I put it on my table and let it play a cd through Windows Media Player so my kids can be entertained for 15 minutes while I answer my emails on the desktop computer. I've also used it on trips to play a video and keep the kids entertained.

So really, all you husbands out there questioning the need... trust me, there are many.

Saturday Mornings

Saturday mornings are my favorite. My most favorite favorite. Or as my son says, my bestest. I get to sleep in. DD (1) let DH sleep in until 7:30, my son got up shortly after and came in to lay down with me for an hour. I stayed in bed until almost 10 am (!).

Pause to feel a little guilty. Sleeping in feels a little lazy.

When I climbed out of bed I immediately had to put the baby down for her nap. Then I could come down and observe the chaos that is Husband Watching Daughter.

My wallet was destroyed, thankfully no money or checks waiting to be deposited were seriously injured.

My external hard drive was suffering from a severe case of having it's on button pushed over and over and over and is now self-checking itself for errors (there are many, it's been working for 2 hours now).

My husband's excuse? "I should have known when she was too quiet for a while." These two things occured within his eyeline, but he was watching football and playing games on his laptop.

The reason why I find it hard to concentrate on my work when I'm also watching the kids is that it's actually important to know what the children are doing. Babies chew on cords and stick things in sockets. They push nice glowing buttons and see what happens when they pull things apart. It's kind of hands on, this parenting.

I try not to be irritated. Afterall, I've got six years of parenting under my belt, he has about a year or two.

I'm sitting on my laptop in the kitchen because my regular computer is busy running its self check... except it's the computer with all my articles on it. I'd quite like to get working on them. Any time now.

For some reason I feel like maybe I shouldn't have slept in!

Day 23 of Ramadan

Wow. There is about six to seven days left of Ramadan. Relatives and friends always ask each other how has been fasting with you. It is common to hear many Muslims to say that Ramadan has been "light"--meaning it was a piece of cake.

This morning my brother calls me, telling me that he vomited when he woke up. Does that make his fast invalid? He was on his way to attend classes, so he was in a hurry for response. I asked my DH who was half asleep, and he said that if my brother doesn't feel good or his throat hurts, then he should break it. That is what I had said to my brother before I asked my half-asleep DH. I just wanted to verify.

Turns out my brother had a big time sore throat--looks like a chest cold or something like that. So my brother broke his fast. I explained to him that if a person is sick or doesn't feel well, he or she may break it because God doesn't want you to tire easily or more. I reminded him that Islam is an easy religion. God doesn't make it mandatory for a person who is sick or doesn't feel well to fast.

However, if a person missed or broke his or fast before the appropriate timing, then it is required that the person makes up other missed days of fasting. Since my brother missed one day, he will have to make up that day after Ramadan is over.

Although my brother didn't fast today, he did not eat or drink in front of the rest of the family. He did that privately in his room out of respect for us.

Today, my father and I discussed some of the Surahs (Chapters) of the Qur'an. We were discussing interpretations of verses and what kind of meanings they have. Assuming you are familiar with the Arabic language, listening to the Qur'an is a relaxing task and activity. There is something about the Arabic language. For those that don't know, the Qur'an is only read in Arabic when praying or lecturing.

The Arabic language is so elegant and poetic, that Arabs use to stop wars between each other and have poetry festivals. Enemies would be friends during the festivities. After poetry festivals were over, friends would become enemies once again.

History, itself is a fascinating subject that documents life. If we study our history, chances we would understand today much better.

A Sign That the Duties are Unbalanced

Husband: "How do you turn the dishwasher on?"*

* we've lived here for five months.

Dear....

.... Co-Worker... no, I don't care about your dog's anal something or other problem. If I don't tell you about my kid's diaper, you don't tell me about your dog's butt. Deal?

.... Cheap Editor... if you are going to pay writers pitiful teeny tiny little 'stipends' then please don't act as though you are The New Yorker. Although I understand you are so used to dealing with writers that are simply sooooo grateful to see their name in print that they'd probably pay YOU... PROFESSIONAL writers spell gratitude this way: Name on Check.

.... Members of Unnammed Organization ... I'm so tired of the politics. Can we please move on? It's not like we're saving lives or raising funds for underpriviledged kids or stopping the genocide in Rwanda. Lighten up.

.... Old Guard Member of Unnammed Organization ... I get it, you don't think they listen to you. But your choice to pick up your toys and leave the playground just means that we'll move on without you. Nothing more. But your sour-grapes Dear John letter said more about you than the organization.

Cheating at NaNo, The Real Thing

Now this is cheating at Nano!

Someone at elance is looking for a ghostwriter for a project that is suspiciously similar to a NaNo novel!

But, but...why???

An empty magazine is Not Good.

We've all seen it: the hero sneaks around the corner, searching the darkened warehouse for the bad guy. The bad guy pops out from behind a shelf teetering with old dusty things and fires off a couple of rounds. Our hero brings his Glock 9mm up and Click! out of bullets!

OH NO! His magazine is empty!

Okay, so in my goofy metaphorical way, I'm saying that magazines without content are pretty useless.

When you write an article for a magazine, whether it's for a little money or a lot, you are providing a needed service. Heather pointed this out in a recent discussion on The Writing Mother group.

A new-ish but talented freelancer asked us if we thought she was being unreasonable in her dealings with an editor. (You can read about her Editor Troubles on her blog.)When the writer refused to hand over all rights to an article she wrote for NO PAYMENT, the editor was (allegedly) upset.

Right now, weather-worn freelancers are smacking their foreheads saying, "Not THIS again!" But it bears repeating at least one more time because there's a new freelancer born every 3 and a half minutes. (I made that up.)

Good editors are happy to get good content. Broke editors will often work with content to make it good. They need content, because a magazine without bullets is Not Good, as I already demonstrated above so breathtakingly if-I-may-say-so.

Bad editors will try to make you feel guilty if you don't bend to their every wish.

I'm not saying don't sell all rights. I'm not saying you have to get paid billions. I'm not saying every editor out there will do this to you. None of that.

Simply that it's your article. You choose.

I love writing for local magazines. I reserve the right to write an article for twenty bucks if I choose. So please don't misunderstand. But I can also refuse to write for twenty bucks.

You as a writer are providing a service and a product for your customers. Editors have every right to reject a piece if they don't feel like it meets their needs. They also can require all rights. YOU can choose not to sell them. YOU can choose not to sell them for what the editor is offering.

Good editors already know this. They are fair, often friendly, and very much aware that this is a business transaction. Good writers should be the same way. Let the rest of them conduct their business in a flurry of personal attacks, emails zinging back and forth through the ether or in the shadow of a darkened warehouse. If you happen to trip over one of them, just straighten yourself out, dust off the detritus, and go back to the brightly lit sphere of professionals. They aren't worth your time. They know where the light is, they can come to it when they want to, and you won't save them by trying to convince them to.

If you are a good editor, you have my respect and appreciation (and my submission - could you get back to me on that sometime this week? :) ) If you are a good writer, go to the light. And on your way out, if you don't mind, hand the hero some bullets.

Days 22 and 21 of Ramadan

Day 22

Just a reminder to some of my readers, the purpose of my Ramadan posts is to show you how Ramadan is incorporated in an average Muslim's lifestyle. Although there is more than 1 billion Muslims worldwide, many people still have no clue what is a Muslim or Ramadan--despite the advances of media and technology.

By showing similarities with flavors of diversity, differences among the human race will be more accepted and tolerated, hopefully eliminating forms of hatred. So, my posts will be about my day (yes, may boring to some) during Ramadan to inform (or teach) readers what Ramadan is like and how it is not a "weird" practice.

As stated in one of my earlier posts, Ramadan is a time to do extra volunteer and charity work. At the same time, it is HIGHLY encourageable not to tell others about your good deeds, but keep it a secret between you and God. I prefer this method because I believe each person can offer so much, and sometimes they can't. There is no need for competition among who can do the best deeds.

Day 21

I have been reading the Qur'an. My goal is to finish it by the end of Ramadan. It is interesting to see how the Qur'an is related to life. It is Book of Knowledge. We, Muslims, believe that the Qur'an has been the same since more than 1,400 years ago--not one word has been changed.

Cheating at NaNo

November is coming, with it's holiday busy-ness and something else exciting: National Novel Writing Month. Why they couldn't have picked January or February, I'll never know, but November is the month non-fic writers like me turn into novelists.

NaNoWriMo is a non-profit organization designed to help us do just that. You can learn all about it at their webisite, but I'll give you the quick version: You sign up to write 50,000 words of your novel in a month's time. No concern over quality - the goal is just OUTPUT. Just Write It. Just get the words down and later you can edit. (There's a month for that too, I believe.)

If you do it, you "win." If you don't do it, you sigh and think, "Next year."

Last year in November, I sighed and thought "Next year." I had something like 11,000 words. It was a very busy month for me, with travelling and visiting relatives and Thanksgiving with family, etc. (Lots of excuses to be found if you just look hard enough!)

Anyway, the novel I started was going to be GREAT. I still think it is going to be great. I still have 11,000 words.

The NaNo rules explicitly state that you work on a NEW novel. You can plot and plan in October, but no writing is allowed. Writing begins on November 1.

But how can I abandon my old characters at 11,000 words? My main character is still circling the living room, if I remember correctly, planning her next move.

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to cheat. If it compromises the integrity of the process, I won't officially sign up at the official site, but I know of a few places where I can still hold myself to a word count. Maybe here would be one place. I might get one of those tickers or something that shows my progress.

Anyway, I have a few weeks to think it over before I actually commit to NaNo, cheating or otherwise. But until then, I want any NaNo cheaters to come out of the woodwork. Are you going to cheat? Tell me. Confess. Don't leave me out here in the cold, looking like the only cheater. Please.

NaNo Cheaters unite!

Carolyn

Day 20 of Ramadan

Today marks the last 10 days of Ramadan. This is where Muslims will try to do more actions of worship than any time of the year. Lailatul Qadr "Night of Power" is said to happen sometime during the last 10 days. The significance of Lailatul Qadr is when our prophet Muhammad received the first revelation of the Qur'an. The Qur'an calls Lailatul Qadr "better than one thousand months."

I am so used to fasting that I don't see it as a burden. To me, it is a way of life. I incorporate into my life. It does not separate.

Some of my relatives had dinner at my parents' home (yes, I did as well *smile*). It is awesome to eat with a group. The more, the merrier, so cliche, I know--but very true.

Impossible Goals

I got inspired by one of the women in The Writing Mother Yahoo group. She's writing a book about goal-setting, called How to Contact Brad Pitt for Dinner. Yes, great title, right? And it seems like an impossible goal, this contacting Brad Pitt business. But she got his publicist's phone number.

His publicist's phone number. The same one NBC would call if they wanted to contact Brad Pitt for dinner.

And that got me thinking, how impossible is that goal, really? If I had any desire to meet Bradd Pitt (I don't, but don't tell him that), I almost think I might test it. I really don't think it is impossible. People contact him for dinner every day, probably.

So how impossible are our impossible goals? Do you have one? Do you want to win the lottery or become the next Nora Roberts or have your own cable news show? (Hey, Neil Cavuto did it.) How impossible is it? As impossible as flying? As impossible as walking on the moon? Or walking on water? Yes, Jesus did that, but so did Peter. (I'll wait while you go check...)

Someone will be the next Nora Roberts, at least as far as being a highly successful and prolific author goes (no one can replace her as a person). It's inevitable - time passes, people are born, books are written, successes are made.

The interesting thing to me is that when I think of so many things as being possible, the glitter and allure of a lot of them fades. It reminds me to think of what I really want. And most of it I already have.

Let me go bask in this thankfulness for a little while...

Days 19 and 18 of Ramadan

Day 19

Today I took my dad to his physical therapy session. Out of all days, the office had put out doughnuts of all kinds and juice. Why? Because it is I think Physical Therapy Month or in honor of Patients Week. A therapist passed by the waiting room, and said to a lady and me, "Help yourselves to snacks."

I told her, "No, thanks. I am fasting." She just smiled and walked off. The lady in the waiting room stopped reading her book and looked up with interest. She asked if I was used to fasting by now. We also conversed of who was exempt. She found it interesting.

Day 18

I am still reading the Qur'an. My goal is to finish the entire Qur'an during Ramadan.

My brothers, DS and myself ate leftovers because my DH took my parents and their guests to his relative's house for dinner. I volunteered to stay behind, so there could be enough room. It is more important that my parents and guests attend (for what we went through this summer, my parents need plenty of fun--it is a long story).

We had leftovers. My brothers and I said that it was probably one of the most fulfilling meals we've had in a while.

Now I truly understand the meaning less is more.

Should I?

Lately, like a crazy person, I’ve been turning down job opportunities.

One of them – a job selling ads for a local magazine - might offer some opportunities to grow with a publication. But it would probably shut doors for freelancing locally.

Part of me says, "What're you, crazy? Ground floor opportunity, here!”

But what’s crazier? Accepting a job that helps a magazine I really like, that might pay pretty well, but completely shuts doors to competing publications, or turning down a job offer that will take me off of a course I’ve waited for years to get on? I’ve done a lot of off-roading in my career.

What if I accepted the position in ad sales and found that I was really good at it? Would my freelancing career get derailed because all my time was consumed with making heaps of money? Would it really even be an opportunity – or just the end of an opportunity?

But still. It’s hard to say no...

I shouldn't do this. I shouldn't. It's not what I want. All my reservations are valid; the feeling in my stomach when I contemplate this job just reinforces my hesitance to accept it.

So for this week, at least, I’m going with “no” on the ad sales.

It would be different if I would be doing more than just selling ads. Editing, or helping with production, planning issues, writing....