And This is Why I Can't be Super-WAHM Every Day...

Or, "This is Why I Can't Stick to a Schedule"

It seems like it never fails: I craft my plan for the day or the week, carefully including all the different aspects of my busy week, then something derails it.

Some days I have monumental plans for being the ultimate writer, a model of efficiency, speeding through first drafts as if there was a fire sale on verbs. Then it happens: the interviewee is out of the office all day despite our scheduled appointment, or the school calls and I have to pick up my daughter, or the dog is sick and I have to haul out the carpet cleaner immediately or we'll have a weird green stain by the back door. (Okay, the last part was TMI maybe.)

Other days, the homemaking side of my life is at the forefront of my plans. I'm going to wash, dry and fold 7 loads of laundry, get $300 worth of groceries for $75, and finally repot that poor, wilting houseplant. Then the washer breaks, or the email dings with a rush assignment or, as is the case today, my favorite couponing site is kaput.

I'm not very flexible, really. Or maybe I'm just stretched so far that even ElastiGirl would snap under similar circumstances. Whenever a monkey-wrench is thrown into my plans, it takes me some time to wrap my head around this new course of events and switch over to a new groove. (<--That paragraph, my dears, is pure genius use of cliches and mixed metaphors. Not to be attempted by mere amateurs! :P )

Not every day is like this, of course. It's just that for every day that being a work-at-home mother seems to be the ideal lifestyle, there's a day when getting up early to shower, dress and commute seems easier.

I know it isn't true, but it's a nice little fantasy that wahm-types occasionally indulge in. It's ironic, then, that when I had an office job, I dreamt that being a writer working from home would be all rose petals and chocolate.

This has been another installment of the ongoing whine that can be heard across the Internet. :) It's not really all that bad - it's just that my $75 might only buy me $75 worth of groceries today.

That's the sound of letting go...

My daughter has a problem. She finds it very difficult to make freinds, because she's emotionally unable to cope with...I was going to say *some* situations, but if we're being honest, nine times out of ten, if she's gotten something into her head that she'd like to do, if she can't do it, she gets upset.
Freindship is one of those really fraught things - because she doesn't understand that just because SHE likes people, other people can't - or won't like her as rapidly. She takes it personally - and it escalates from there.
Last night we had to have a conversation about how to let go. She's only seven so we had to talk about it in terms that she understood - so, we decorated a wish box (she painted it pink, dipped it in glitter and then tied a rainbow of ribbons round it. We lined it with silk and a knitted square that she wanted for 'something'), and I taught her to write down her wishes. When she put something into the box, she rang a small bell. We've talked about how she has to empty the box if she doesn't get the small wishes - and take the ones out she gets. Most of all though, I taught her that she has to keep a smaller box - of wishes that may not work out. And that's her letting go box. Every ten things that she puts in that box that are valid and she manages to stick to, we give her a reward. And every evening, she and I sit down and discuss her day, over a hot chocolate.
So far, it's sorta helping. But I can't help but think that she's always going to associate wishes with ringing a bell - and letting go with closing boxes. I know it's better than tears, and yelling.
It got me thinking about my own stuff though - it seems to be a running theme with lessons in our house - the children learn, the adults learn, we move onto the next thing we all need to do.
When I sat and prioritised my most important 'things', I discovered two things.
One - short term, I have a lot of coding to do, but if I get it all done now, it's going to be much easier on me in the long run - and two, and probably more importantly, that's going to reduce by quite a bit, if I could just LET GO of some projects. Like my daughter, I have problems letting go - for different reasons, but it's ultimately the same thing.
If I want to make room for all of the 'new' I want to get up to - all of the short stories I want to write, all of the books I want to get stuck into. But I can't, if I have slivers of time that I have to fit dozens of things into.
Again, because this always comes up when I mention it, I have very few problems with time management - I just have a problem with ignoring new ideas.
So - there's another box in the house. It's a pretty black thing with silver ribbons (I got some samples in it ages ago). When I finish projects, I stick my hand in there, and I get to try something new. I find that I've got time, and I start something - but I've made sure that I can never overextend again.
I've already got a jar for story snippets, for when I get blocked (which, due to the nature of our cleaning sprees, gets 'backed up' to a database on my laptop) - so I think this is going to work.
Now - all I have to do is go swipe the bell...

You Are Worth the Time

Generally speaking, I don't think of myself as an artist. It was never my goal to create great artistic works of fiction. I always wanted to just tell my stories and have people enjoy them. I just want to produce damned good entertainment.

This isn't mutually exclusive from the desire for recognition. I hold a secret yearning for some kind of artistic affirmation from the powers that be: good reviews, a slot on the best seller list, or some respected award. But I don't expect it. I don't ever really expect to do anything but labor in obscurity, quietly doing my job of entertaining. Perhaps someday, I'll be discovered, like Bach or Dickens, years after my death, to have been a transcendent artist and to have written classic works of literature proven by the only test that matters: time.

Hey, we can all dream, right?

This morning, I was woken up too early by my husband's alarm clock. I lost an hour of sleep on a morning when I was already set to get up a full 45 minutes before I had to be getting the little girls up for their first day of school. The little girls, who often dawdle to the point of driving me to insanity, got ready with a good will and are now cuddled up next to me. We have time to sit.

When I put them on the bus, they will be gone for the whole day, arriving home at nearly supper time. And the hours will stretch out before me, hours during which I feel like doing exactly nothing. How odd to plan on wasting a day on this particular day when I am already sensitive to the fleeting, and lasting, nature of time.

There is laundry to do. Pots still to wash. The bathroom is dirty. Perhaps I will do some of those things.

Perhaps not.

Perhaps, on this, the first day of school for so many of our children, we will remember who we are. We are artists--even me.

Wisdom of a Mother, Unwise Me

My friend "Sally" is going through an awful divorce. She didn't get custody of her kids, mainly through the perfidy of her ex, who is a lawyer. He gets the automatic benefit of the doubt and respect as a fellow "officer of the court." As a result, he lies like a Persian rug. He has done the one thing that I think is unforgivable in a divorce: he makes the kids choose. If they love their mother and want to see her, then they cannot see him, OR their brothers who make the opposite choice. The man is a monster.

Anyway, today she calls me. She thought for a while that she and her oldest son were reaching some kind of detente. He was being nice. He was nice on a visit to her parents' home. He was nice when she saw him at the court ordered visits. He called when he went to visit his other grand parents. Then his birthday came, and he got his gifts from her and her parents. He hasn't called since. And you could look at it one of two ways. Either he was being nice just so he could get his birthday gifts, or this could be another example of XH not playing fair.

Middle son won't talk to her at all. He blames her for the divorce and for the ugliness created by XH. It's really sad, because this is the same man who demands that the boys not see their mother.

Youngest son, only 8, wants to go live with his mother. But he's been told by XH that if he does, he will never see his father or his brother again. And poor Youngest fears that. The only way he can go be with his mother is if he stands up to his 6'2", 180 lb father and takes the chance that he'll never see his brothers again. What 8 year old could do that?

So today, all this pain has been hitting her very hard. Sally was in tears on the phone. She said that she had applied for a job in London and just wanted to run away, make a new life... forget. Her father, a retired lawyer, was against the idea. He said she can't throw away what hope she has. But she's lost hope, today at least.

It didn't seem like a great idea to me either. She can't walk out on Youngest, even if he's not old enough or brave enough to stand up to his father--what child that age would be? Maybe there is no hope with Middlest and Oldest, I don't know. Nothing about this crazy situation has gone the way it ought to. Nothing. I do know that hope has an odd way of keeping you going until the weirdest things happen. Maybe one day, her sons will wake up and realize what has actually happened. Weirder things have occurred!

What I told her is probably one of the wisest things I have ever said. I try to give good advice, and you don't have to know me very long to know that I like giving advice. But I'm not sure that I'm terribly wise. But this was. I said, "This is a Bad Day(tm). Don't make any major decisions on a bad day."

I try not to make decisions on Bad Days(tm). I've had bunches of them lately. I have arthritis and Fibromyalgia, two progressive pain disorders that are, well, progressing and becoming more and more painful. I have IBS which is no fun at all. I'm always exhausted. Fatigue comes with Fibro, but I've been more tired than usual. And life in the objective has been very difficult and worrisome. I discovered recently that one medicine I take for IBS causes both fatigue and irritability. Have I been irritable lately? Can you be irritable and not know it? Apparently, yes.

Bad Days seem to out number the good these days. I try to keep my spirits up, but I yearn for change--to just be healthy again, not to be sick and hurting all the time. Would it help if I lost weight? Could I get back to writing if I stopped spending all my time on email? Could I manage to live in a house that doesn't look like a hurricane hit it?

I made a big decision last bad day... I dropped out. I can't decide yet, if it was a good decision or not. If by dropping out, I open up my time and what energy I have to write and sew, do stuff that I claim to want to do, then maybe it wasn't a bad choice. But maybe it was, I guess we'll just have to see.

But I really ought to put it on a plaque, right up there with "Let the editor decide." It should say, "Don't make big decisions on Bad Days(tm)."

Now if I could only take my own advice...

Time after time....

We're a week and a half into the summer here.


I'm not sure about anyone else, but part of the reason I freelance is so that when we get to the holidays, I can take some downtime with my kids - so that there's no holiday problems with care for them, and so that I'm not spending every minute in work wondering whether I'll need to leave early and find they've caused riots.


It does mean, however, that all of the work I'd planned on doing is being is being sandwiched in between episodes of Hannah Montana and Tom and Jerry. It's a nice life, but it's hard to measure the value of the work I'm snatching in. It also means that I've been pushing back and pushing pack things like theme designs and my fiction writing. I got up on Sunday morning though and decided that I needed to stop procrastinating and actually take control!

So, I've written a post over at Publishhacks about the best, and worst freelance tools, in my opinion, for monitoring and supporting any freelance career.


I'm always expanding and testing them though, so I thought I'd find out what your favs and time sinks are.


(so far, I've got Xobini, RescueTime, WordPress, the Internet (wikipedia), The Internet (RSS), Zoundry Raven - some good, some bad ;)) What do you have, and come on over to PublishHacks, to find out about the tools I've mentioned.

Re-gifting This to You...

“Fight perfectionism by telling yourself that what I wrote today is what I was capable of at this moment.”

–Chip Scanlan

http://www.poynter.org/column.asp?id=52&aid=133922

Yeah, I know, isn't it great? You're welcome. :)

The Value of You

In random writing groups around the world, the same problem appears for writers of non-fiction, copywriting or business writing.

The writer posts that they are stuck in a bad situation because Something Has Gone Terribly Wrong. Sometimes it's a client that's not paying, sometimes there are problems with the acceptance of the work, sometimes a client is just a jerk.

But the common cause of these issues is a failure of clear communication.

We are writers, we are supposed to be good at clear communication. But for many, especially new writers, there's a sense that you have to pay your dues and scrape around at the bottom of the barrel for a little while before you earn your way into being a Real Writer.

This is not true. Here is my guide for writers new and old:

1) Get it in writing. Clearly. "OK, thank you for this acceptance! Just to clarify, I'm going to write a 1500 word article on TOPIC, this word count will include one side bar with facts about THIS. The deadline is THIS DAY and I will not be responsible for sourcing photographs, but I will provide contact information for your photographer. The fee we have agreed upon is $$$ upon acceptance of the article."

2) Have a minimum hourly rate. I suggest starting out at $25 an hour, and even that is low. This of it this way: Minimum Wage + Overhead costs (rent, equipment, insurance) + your taxes + the convenience of hiring a freelancer = your hourly rate. If someone suggests that they can have the work done cheaper, invite them to do so. You must have been under the false impression that they wanted the BEST person for the job. Oops, I guess they wanted the CHEAPEST.

3) Work Efficiently. You may not always negotiate based on your minimum hourly rate for things like article... but take it into consideration when you are accepting article work. Is this article worth your time?

4) There is only one type of compensation: money. There are other benefits you can receive: exposure, ad space, Seeing Your Name In Print... but there is only one type of compensation. If someone wants to give you "ad space" (a popular one for start ups) then you are (of course) free to accept if you have something to advertise. But you STILL invoice for the amount and you request an invoice for the ad space.

This is an important papertrail to a) prove that you did the work and b) prove to the government that you did the work and that the advertisement is a business expense. You can't prove that your advertising is a business expense unless you have an invoice for it.

5) Thank people for their referrals - it is ok to send a card or a little Starbucks gift card. But you do not owe them money for referrals. Make it clear with your NEW client that this is a deal between the two of you by establishing a contract right away. It can get complicated if the new person is expecting to invoice someone else and then has to invoice you, or thinks that you are negotiating on behalf of your previous contact. Or that you are somehow in business with that previous contact. Be clear about your independence.

6) Do not place yourself in an inferior position. Don't wait to invoice because someone is busy/sick. Did Visa wait to send you a bill when you were sick last month? Behave professionally. This does not mean you can't have a good, personal relationship with your contacts. Be yourself, but run your business. Conversely, do not use the busy/sick excuse to let any of YOUR committments go unmet. The editors that bought my first book don't even know I have children. And they certainly don't know that I was pregnant when I sold them the book nor that I was in labour the day that we accepted their offer.

7) Writing for Free is SOMETIMES OK. Bet ya didn't see that one coming. But here are my personal guidelines. If a publisher/editor accepts advertising - you should get paid. Full stop. I do not buy into any discussion about "start ups". What kind of start up forgets to take a huge expense like WRITERS when doing up their financial plan? They went to the bank to ask someone for money to invest... If they "forgot" to ask for money to pay people then that is their problem.

If you are a volunteer for a worthy organization (a non profit) and you consider writing your volunteer work, that's ok. But be careful that you are not being taken advantage of because you are the only writer. Don't write the association president's speech... edit it for him. Don't write all the web copy, delegate it and edit. If it gets too much, consider writing up a proposal for contract services. Show them how much they are getting for free and tell them that it is too much. Show how much you are willing to do but show them what the rest will cost them.

The Great Big List of Resources

Paul Lima with the Professional Writers Association of Canada has given us permission to post a compendeum of writer resources that he's blogged about. It's a big list, so big in fact That It Requires Capital Letters To Show You Just How Big It Is.

Here ya go:

ON NEWSPAPER AND MAGAZINE WRITING

Job description for newspaper and magazine freelancers
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=117

10-steps to writing for newspapers and magazines
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=24

Ideas, Inspiration and Dogs
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=73

21 Rules for Writing Stellar Query Letters
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=27

How to Structure a Query Letter; Sample Query Letter
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=50

The Query Letter - How to pitch editors
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=21

The art of the query - how to sell article to magazines and newspapers
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=107

The art of the query letter
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=96

Keep your e-query letters out of the trash folder
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=22

Pre-query Query Letter can work wonders
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=97

When to follow-up with editors
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=37

You've sold the article idea, now what.?
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=100

Deflation & Freelance Writers
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=15


ON FREELANCING FOR CORPORATE MARKETS

Establish Your Business Vision
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=4

Want to boost your business? Start with your business vision
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=85

Can a freelancer earn six figures?
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=5

How to become a six-figure freelancer in five easy steps
http://paullima.com/blog/index.php?paged=9

Writing Services You Can Offer Corporate Clients
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=48

Place Five Arrows in Your Marketing Quiver
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=35

Place Five Arrows in Your Marketing Quiver
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=47

Simple marketing task that generates repeat business
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=89

How to estimate corporate writing assignments
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=38

How much to charge for work
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=52

Freelance Writing: Do the Math
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=12

How Much Did You Earn Today? - Guest Blog
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=42

Questions you can ask a client before writing
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=32


ON SELF-PUBLISHING: BOOKS

Using the Web to sell books and special reports
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=115

Self-publishing & print on demand with Lulu
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=76


ON IF I CAN DO IT, ANYONE CAN...

Do you have what it takes to become a freelance writer?
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=105

C-student does OK, but it took a while
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=103

Just an English major from York.
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=111

Temporary reprieve from insanity proves to be permanent, or how I became a
freelance writer
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=93

My father was a janitor; my mother a housewife and I am...
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=70

Send in the Writers: How to / Why to. Hire a Freelance Writer
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=74


ON MISC. & (maybe) INSPIRATIONAL

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've
always got
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=69

The business universe is truly mysterious
http://paullima.com/blog/index.php?paged=6

Is the Internet Stealing Your Precious Time?
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=75

The only thing writers have to fear is fear itself
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=19

Dark Dingy Basements of the Mind...
...and other reasons why writers can't write
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=17

Job was a freelance writer: New Research reveals Biblical scholar was
talking to an Editor, not to God!
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=80

Speech: (Almost) Everything you need to know about freelance writing
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=110


ON SELF-PROMOTION & WEB PROMOTION

Send clients and editors your Holiday schedule
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=120

Using the Web to boost your freelance business
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=114

How to get Google to rank your website high
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=65

PR Primer for Small Businesses
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=28

Media Training & PR create a best seller
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=53


ON WRITING (SORT OF)

A creative but useful writing exercise
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=39

Creativity and Brainstorming
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=34

Know Your Target Market
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=36

AND BEYOND...

Writers often do more than write
http://paullima.com/blog/?p=77

Teaching to Give

A lot of the times, you can find me reading a parenting magazine or surfing the Internet reading the latest parenting trends. I have been known to implement some of those trends.

As I read about parenting experiences, I am usually impressed by some of the parents' views and ideas. However, when I saw this one idea (unfortunately I forgot where I read it--maybe from reading too many material?), it is as if I had seen the light!

The tip that I had read was about how to teach your child not to say, "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!" It was about how teach your child to be appreciative and think more about others. This parent said that she makes her child donate gently used toys when he received new ones. For example, if her child received three new toys today, then he is required to donate three gently used toys to less fortunate children.

I thought, what a great idea! So, I tried that on my son explaining to him that when he gets a new toy, he will donate the same amount of toys. (Remember he is four.) I sat him down and I explained to him that there are some children who can't buy toys, what does he think about giving them some of his toys, so they could be happy. He honestly said, "Ok, I will be a good helper."

So about two days ago, I wanted to see how serious my son was about our new rule. I bought him a set of cars which had 12 (like he doesn't have enough as is), and then we went to his toy box. I reminded him to put donated toys in the bag. After he was finished, he told me that he felt good helping other children smile. Of course, I hugged and kissed him for his actions. (Too cuddly not to).

Today when I saw some of my friends, I explained to them my new theory that I had adapted from a magazine. One friend said to me, "You are such an awesome mother!" I told her that was not the point. Then the same friend said to other friends, "Isn't *boy child* going to grow up to be the neatest person because of his mom?" I just smiled and giggled in a humble manner.

My awesome dh supports this idea, and he has thanked child for doing this.

I just love reading. Can you tell?

When Your Writing is Controversial

I write for a site that has its fair share of controversial articles. And every once in a while one that I put up is controversial. Like the one I put up today.

My article criticized the Canadian Border Services Agency. (As my husband said... good luck crossing the border later this month ;) lol) It's not like it garnered 100 comments, but it did get at least one comment from a superviser with the CSBA. (probably clicking 'flag this person' at this very moment...)

Basically they haven't been allowed to have guns. Now they are being given guns but it's taking a heck of a long time to get 7200 guards certified. (Not all of them will get guns)

To top it off, there are new recruits being incredibly dumb and posting pictures on Facebook of alcohol consumption in uniform.

Anyways... you can read it if you like.

So what do you do when your writing draws criticism?

1. Analyze the criticism to determine a) who it's coming from and b) if it has merit.

2. Find something in the criticism that you can learn from.

3. Do not take it personally.

The third point is the hardest because many critics take things to a personal level. For example, one critic didn't like my tone (sarcasm) and while on one hand I know that it's just the tone I chose to write in, on the other I feel it's a criticism of me as a writer and the tool I chose.

(I'm not a huge fan of sarcasm... but I use it sometimes...)

The first point is important because everyone one has a bias. A quick Google search determined that one of my commenters was a supervisor at the CSBA. I can understand why he'd take offense to my article.

It was about one viewpoint, one opinion.

It goes without saying that many, many employees at the CSBA are good workers. But the fact is, their employer has faced controversy in the last few years and that's what my article was about. The controversies.

After reading the comments, I digested them and responded. I wasn't offended, really, how can you be offended by an opinion. It's an opinion, not an action or a concrete attack. It's just one person's opinion.

Now if I'm totally flagged at the border now I will really be offended. LOL

Please feel free to comment...

(Cross-posted at The Writing Mother)

Feminists could have just stopped like, one or two steps sooner.

Oh, go ahead and flog me with a wet noodle, but I'm only kidding. A little.

Lately I've developed a reminiscence for an era I never experienced (and that probably never existed in reality). After two weeks of tight deadlines and other stuff I needed to do but can't remember anymore, I LONGED for the days when my biggest challenge would have been trying to vacuum in my high heels.

Of course I'm a huge fan of equal rights for women. The idea that women can't do something because they're women is stoopid. But when feminists said we could do anything, did they have to keep talking? Just stop right there: "We can do anything."

But oh no, somebody somewhere started saying we could have it ALL! Not just anything - now we have to do EVERYTHING!

And I don't blame men. It's not their fault they can shoot baskets all day long and still miss the hamper and the potty. That's genetic. What's more, they don't care if we clean up after them or not. That's US feeling like we have to do it. (Yeah, 'cause we don't want to live in a pigsty.)

Disclaimer: Actually, my husband is one of the new, improved kind of men. He made dinner twice last week (without me asking) and bailed me out of a few other things when I had to work. (He is the primary breadwinner in this family, but he's not afraid of a little housekeeping.) Which is great. I am so thankful!

So no, not complaining about him.

I'm just not a multi-tasker. Well, I am for specified periods of time, but then I'm brainless during a short recovery period. That's when I usually look up at the clock and ask, "What can I make with 5 spaghetti noodles and this shiny brown apple?"

I want to be the perfect housewife. I know women who are. Even women who work. (Oh wait. I forgot again that I work too. It's easy to do when there's no steady paycheck coming in!)

Ah, but I'm am so gloriously happy sometimes, though. I would never want to have to choose between all the things I get to do. Sigh. I suspect it isn't the feminists' fault after all. It's me who wants to do everything.

I just wish I were better at it!

And you thought YOU were nervous...

When I posted about overcoming Interview Jitters last month, I promised a few tips on how to put your interview subject at ease.

Some people are used to interviews. In my opinion, these are the easiest people to interview, because sometimes they'll answer questions you haven't even asked yet. And they answer decisively, and in perfect, quotable sentences. What a relief.

But not everyone is a media pro. If you're alert to that possibility, then you'll suddenly understand why they're talking a hundred miles per hour, or making jokes that aren't funny, or why their throat seems to be closing up and they aren't talking at all. When you can help make them comfortable, then slyly slip in your questions,they'll never even notice they're "being interviewed."

This isn’t rocket-science. I think for most established interviewers these techniques are second nature. But if you’re battling your own case of nerves, it might help to keep these simple tips in mind:

Be interested. This starts pre-interview, inside your brain. It helps me sound more enthusiastic, and that gets the subject talking because everyone loves to talk about what they’re passionate about. Um, almost everyone.
Thank them for their time. Let them know how much you respect/appreciate/need their input on the subject. Not only is it polite, but a nervous interviewee will be reminded that he or she is the expert on the matter. Wouldn’t that put you at ease?
Warm them up with chit-chat. “Wow, what do you think of this heat/cold/smog/acid rain?” will work just fine. But be careful here. You could end up wandering so far off your subject that 45 minutes later you’ll have to break in abruptly with, “And I’ll bet those grandkids are really proud about your recent discovery of ionized particles in subcutaneous matter! How did that discovery come about, anyway?”
Ask easy questions first. One thing I do if I sense my source is nervous is tell them I have to get some basic info before we begin: spelling of first and last name, make sure I get their title right, etc. That usually puts people at ease. They're like, "Spell my name? That's easy! I know this one!! Yay me!"
Don’t read your questions. Ask them.

Okay, that’s five. What are your tips for putting interview subjects at ease?

Writerly Parenting Tip #1

If you are too unorganized or wrapped up in your project of the moment to remember your child has show and tell every other Friday, your child will figure out something to show or tell.

Things including but not limited to the song your, determined to be a terrible influence, brother delighted in teaching said child over the summer. The song your child remembers every single Kindergarten inappropriate word to and sings loudly and often.

Which you will think bad enough, until the second time when he will tell the class that, "It is ok to lie because Mommy does to phone solicitors and to save someone's feelings like the time she told the police officer that we had only been living in Mississippi for four weeks, when we'd really been here for two years, and that's why she still had a Texas driver's license."

After which the teacher will look at you strangely and you will notice your child is learning every Kindergarten appropriate song known to man. As well as lecturing you on the virtues of never telling lies of any kind. Until another parent, whose child has informed them of your own child's delightful show and tell activities, clues you in and you feel like dying from the humiliation of being the horrible, lying and forgetful Mama.... And you vow to do better.

A Question of Sanity...

I have been sitting on a bunch of guest posts for a while. A couple of weeks back, a friend posted this on a mailing list we're both on. I thought it was harried, but hopeful at the same time. I have taken the liberty of entitling it...

A Question of Sanity

Today I am questioning my sanity...it is nights and days where it seems like everything goes backward, that in reality it is going forward. I have been home just over a week after spending ten days in hospital due to threatened premature labor. This little one is now full-term and had me in hospital last weekend with major contractions and nothing happening. I turned full-term on Thursday which I am really grateful for and am now looking forward to actually having her.

Yesterday - what a mixed bag. No I didn't try to put the dog in the fridge as he would not fit - thank goodness. That is the state my brain was in - forgetting things, misplacing items, running late for daycare, not realizing we were out of gas for the car, it was a great start to the day.

So very soon, my family will increase from four males (five including the dog), to two females - myself and our little girl. There was no mistaking the ultrasound and this pregnancy has been nothing like any of the boys ) I would not have it any other way. This year has been a huge learning curve in family, relationships, learning about myself, who I am and what is important to me. Writing is more viable than ever as a way of life and I am developing this as I go along. I am still doing my magazine and web work, have a special book to contribute to and another series of ebooks in development on writing.

This year, I can see that dreams do come true, miracles happen and I am often surprised when one problem is solved without a huge amount of fuss or planning. Having to be humble and ask for help has been a huge thing for me to learn to do. I realise now I can be independant and still have help without having to do everything alone.

Life is a gift and something to treasure. There have been times when I have been in a depressed state, so angry I resembled a mean looking bull about to charge the poor person caught in the corner of the fence, or the teary momma who wants to just sit down, cry and bury her head in the sand. I haven't buried my head in the sand - I mean the sand in the eyes and nose would be the pits. I have managed to coral that mean bull and have to take him for walks every day to keep it calm, the depressed person is unable to stay sad as the eternal oprimist comes through and has to laugh and see the good in every situation. Plus with a lovable nut for a husband, three active young boys and being alive, there is so much to enjoy and appreciate.

Keep going with your writing, sit tight with our dreams - I am now daring to dream again and I have this nagging suspicion that I am on the right path to getting everything that I have always desired for my family. Love we have in abundance and everything else is a huge bonus.

Better go before the 5 and 2 year demolish their bedroom with the toy tools they found this morning. Mister 2 was up at 5 and wanted to play and I made him go back to bed as the crows hadn't flown past and the sun was still in bed. 6am saw the 5 and 2 year playing in their room making a ruckus and bouncing on the beds, so mom got out of bed, got them settled as the sun was still not up and then at 6:30am, they wandered into the office where I got them drawing. So children keep me very engaged and I am so tired at the moment that my eyes feel like they are about to fall out of my head. How my hubbie can be such a heavy sleeper is beyond me...yes I am a bit envious as I am a light sleeper so hear most things that go on.

Washing beckons, columns call ahead of schedule due to bub and I have a need to clean. So have a wonderful day and know you are not alone in "the land of the Momma".

--Susan Thompson is a full-time mom, copywriter, freelance writer based in Australia. Widely published, she is always looking for some new project to get the creative instinct happening.

Want to read some more from Susan?

Mid-North Monthly Website Administrator/Writer
Web Wombat Lifestyle Contributor
Fatherhood - Me A Dad (written under her male alias Aidden Williams)
Creativity is Not Extinct
Step-Parenting A Foreign Word

The Secret to my Success

I'll admit it. I may be writing this so that someone reading can point to the screen and say "see! see! Heather says I need one!"

My laptop.

I wrote my book on my laptop while sitting at the kitchen table, in my bed late at night, at the local bookstore, drinking coffee, sitting in the truck waiting for my son after school, upstairs in the waiting area during gymnastics...

I have cooked dinner with my laptop on the counter (safe distance from the stove) and sat on my bathroom counter watching my daughter over its screen.

And it has other purposes. I put it on my table and let it play a cd through Windows Media Player so my kids can be entertained for 15 minutes while I answer my emails on the desktop computer. I've also used it on trips to play a video and keep the kids entertained.

So really, all you husbands out there questioning the need... trust me, there are many.

An empty magazine is Not Good.

We've all seen it: the hero sneaks around the corner, searching the darkened warehouse for the bad guy. The bad guy pops out from behind a shelf teetering with old dusty things and fires off a couple of rounds. Our hero brings his Glock 9mm up and Click! out of bullets!

OH NO! His magazine is empty!

Okay, so in my goofy metaphorical way, I'm saying that magazines without content are pretty useless.

When you write an article for a magazine, whether it's for a little money or a lot, you are providing a needed service. Heather pointed this out in a recent discussion on The Writing Mother group.

A new-ish but talented freelancer asked us if we thought she was being unreasonable in her dealings with an editor. (You can read about her Editor Troubles on her blog.)When the writer refused to hand over all rights to an article she wrote for NO PAYMENT, the editor was (allegedly) upset.

Right now, weather-worn freelancers are smacking their foreheads saying, "Not THIS again!" But it bears repeating at least one more time because there's a new freelancer born every 3 and a half minutes. (I made that up.)

Good editors are happy to get good content. Broke editors will often work with content to make it good. They need content, because a magazine without bullets is Not Good, as I already demonstrated above so breathtakingly if-I-may-say-so.

Bad editors will try to make you feel guilty if you don't bend to their every wish.

I'm not saying don't sell all rights. I'm not saying you have to get paid billions. I'm not saying every editor out there will do this to you. None of that.

Simply that it's your article. You choose.

I love writing for local magazines. I reserve the right to write an article for twenty bucks if I choose. So please don't misunderstand. But I can also refuse to write for twenty bucks.

You as a writer are providing a service and a product for your customers. Editors have every right to reject a piece if they don't feel like it meets their needs. They also can require all rights. YOU can choose not to sell them. YOU can choose not to sell them for what the editor is offering.

Good editors already know this. They are fair, often friendly, and very much aware that this is a business transaction. Good writers should be the same way. Let the rest of them conduct their business in a flurry of personal attacks, emails zinging back and forth through the ether or in the shadow of a darkened warehouse. If you happen to trip over one of them, just straighten yourself out, dust off the detritus, and go back to the brightly lit sphere of professionals. They aren't worth your time. They know where the light is, they can come to it when they want to, and you won't save them by trying to convince them to.

If you are a good editor, you have my respect and appreciation (and my submission - could you get back to me on that sometime this week? :) ) If you are a good writer, go to the light. And on your way out, if you don't mind, hand the hero some bullets.

Impossible Goals

I got inspired by one of the women in The Writing Mother Yahoo group. She's writing a book about goal-setting, called How to Contact Brad Pitt for Dinner. Yes, great title, right? And it seems like an impossible goal, this contacting Brad Pitt business. But she got his publicist's phone number.

His publicist's phone number. The same one NBC would call if they wanted to contact Brad Pitt for dinner.

And that got me thinking, how impossible is that goal, really? If I had any desire to meet Bradd Pitt (I don't, but don't tell him that), I almost think I might test it. I really don't think it is impossible. People contact him for dinner every day, probably.

So how impossible are our impossible goals? Do you have one? Do you want to win the lottery or become the next Nora Roberts or have your own cable news show? (Hey, Neil Cavuto did it.) How impossible is it? As impossible as flying? As impossible as walking on the moon? Or walking on water? Yes, Jesus did that, but so did Peter. (I'll wait while you go check...)

Someone will be the next Nora Roberts, at least as far as being a highly successful and prolific author goes (no one can replace her as a person). It's inevitable - time passes, people are born, books are written, successes are made.

The interesting thing to me is that when I think of so many things as being possible, the glitter and allure of a lot of them fades. It reminds me to think of what I really want. And most of it I already have.

Let me go bask in this thankfulness for a little while...

E-mail Etiquette

This week my inbox has been bombarded by little pop-ups that say something along the lines of "So and so would like to know when you read her e-mail, would you like to send a read receipt?" And I would select "no" and grumble about people who need to know exactly when I open up and read their e-mail. Shall I send a "wipe notice" too, as in, when I get done using the restroom facilities....

OK, yes, I'm venting.

As a freelancer, I usually find myself handling a large amount of my communication online, specifically e-mail. It is how I send queries, interview requests, invoices and even the finished article.

And while I realize not everyone will be annoyed by the same things I get annoyed about, I do think there are some recognizable standards. I've tried to compile a few:

1. Your e-mail address should be YOUR e-mail address. Don't send e-mail from an account that lists your name along with your husband's name. If you don't know what your e-mail says in the from line, send yourself an e-mail to find out. It should say your first and last name.

2. Your e-mail address should be professional. This is not the time to use your "momoffour" moniker. Even when you select what you think is a professional e-mail, ask someone else to look at it. I was once told my slslsherwood made people think of "slasher."

3. Do not send attachments that aren't expected.

4. Do not request read receipts the first time you send an e-mail. Save this feature for the time when you are sending a requested item a second time and there has been a demonstrated problem.

5. Use complete sentences and expected conventions for business letters.

6. Ask yourself if your requests are reasonable? Are you asking the person to "respond immediately" and sending it out at 4:57 p.m.?

7. Don't follow-up immediately. Just because e-mail lets your communication land in another person's box immediately, don't expect an immediate response. Wait at least a week, preferably two, before following up on an e-query.

8. Realize that not everyone has your standards for e-mail. Be aware that some people might not appreciate the cute photo or background that you like to use. For business e-mail, stick to plain text.

9. Do not send jokes, hoaxes, or warnings to people just because you have their e-mail address.

10. Pay attention to that TO line before you hit send. Some e-mail programs fill in addresses automatically, so make sure you are sending your e-mail to who you intended it to go to.

11. Make the subject line clear and concise. If I am sending a query, I write "Query: Great Article Title" in the subject line with the text "great article title" being replaced for a catchy title of my current proposal.

12. If you send out your e-mail query to more than one place, do not include every single address in your To: line. Learn how to use CC and BCC. Be careful using CC and BCC.

What tips do you have for e-mail communication?

Goals Schmoals, I’m 40!

“I’m in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life’s no fun.”
- from “I’m In A Hurry (And Don’t Know Why), by Alabama

Ever feel like that? Running around getting things done but never stopping to enjoy what you’ve done? Never feeling much of a sense of accomplishment?

What’s the point then?

Obviously, there are times when you sacrifice some of the enjoyment part of life so you can achieve some of the accomplishment part. But what about when the achieving something part never ends?

For me, D-day was always my 40th birthday.

Recently, I started to re-read Shirley Kawa-Jump’s (awesome) book, How To Publish Your Articles, and was struck by the first sentence. I apologize in advance for cutting it short, but here’s the part of the sentence that stopped me in my tracks: “Every writer—whether he dreams of getting a single article into print, launching a freelance career, or...”

(“Or what?” you’re screaming at me. Well go get the book! You’ll be glad you did, I promise.)

The very first time I read that sentence, I would have been happy just to have one article published. It would have been a BIG accomplishment!

And that thought brought me freedom.

Thanks in no small part to that book, I did get an article published. Then many more, to the point that I'm working on being a freelancer full time. But I can, if I want or need to, get a different job. I could clean houses. It’s a lovely job. No really! I did it for years while I dreamed of being a writer.

The point is, I have other options for making money. Freelancing might be something I want to do for the joy of it, rather than for the income.

Maybe.

I have assignments right now on my desk waiting to be “accomplished.” I’m going to try to remember the joy of doing them while I’m doing them, and not the pressure.

I used to think what I wanted was to make a living by writing, because I like words. They’re fun.

But will I like them if I do this for a living? We’ll see. Meanwhile, I’ll keep my dustrag near the door.

I hear 40 is an age of self-assurance, of coming into one’s own. I think I like that concept! The pressure’s off, in any case. I get to make new goals for myself.

Hey, I finally understand the purple-hat-wearing women – it isn’t because you no longer have to put on airs to impress others; it’s because your self-imposed deadline is up. You don’t have to put on airs to impress yourself.

By the way, speaking of having fun with words, Linda Formichelli helped me remember how much fun it is to play with words when she started Tom Swifty contest at The Renegade Writer blog. I’m so thankful for the fun, it’s almost not fair that I won the contest too! My winning Swifty:

“I hate writing articles with bullet points,” he said listlessly.

She’s sending me a signed copy of Query Letters That Rock. Woot!

Hey, I’m not too old to rock!

What kind of writing do you do for fun? Is it still fun for you?

How Do You Promote A Blog?

This isn't one of the lessons I've learned....YET!

I know a lot of readers of Mama Needs a Book Contract are well-versed in the ways of blogism. Some make their living almost entirely by blogging! They have crazy-fingers, typing 900 wpm and posting and clicking and going wild. Their blogs receive so much traffic the Internet had to put in stoplights!

So how do you do it? How can we get this Mama up off the couch?

And here's another question: how can we do it without being a nuisance to friends, family, and Internet acquaintances?

Or is being a nuisance the big key to success? How do you do it?

Thanks!