I've been feeling a little sorry for myself lately - I shouldn't I know, but humor me?
Once I'd gotten my place at University, I realized I'd been out of 'the learning game' for ten years. Chalk one up to the uneasy feeling of my life speeding past my nose. I've done lots of great stuff in those 10 years, of course, including having two wonderful children. I've written two books, one poetry, one non fiction, and I've got tonnes of novels, novellas and short stories on my PC.
But I'm still waiting for someone to tell me that I'm mediocre.
Or a fraud.
Every writer faces this, I think. There's not one among us that wakes up in a cold sweat when we're looking into finding an agent - subbing to our dream publisher. But sometimes we're paralyzed by it. And I think that's where I am now.
I'd like to think that its a passing phase - I'm going to have to get over it really fast for the first weeks of university - I'm hoping to shake it sooner - so if anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them :)
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
The mediocre fraud
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3 comments:
Well, Kai, the good thing is that even if you feel paralyzed by it now, you'll soon be thrown right into the thick of it.
I'll bet you will enjoy sharing your work once you're more comfortable with this new situation. :)
I think you need to look at the fear like a road sign. "I'm afraid". Then you decide within yourself whether you are letting that sign post guide you. Decide what you want to do. If you are looking to that sign post for some kind of direction then turn your back on it and reassess. Fear is just a feeling it cannot make us move or stand still, it can only make us feel it.
Kai,
I can totally relate to this feeling. Unlike you, though I don't have a degree or any "right" to write a book (I'm being facetious here), but an inherent belief that I am here to write; it isn't just what I do, it's who I am.
I have also had to re-think what my paradigms are surrounding success. If I died tomorrow, would I view my life as a successful one? You bet; I have a published book, three awesome kids and a life filled with amazing experiences. Don't lose the faith.
peace
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